You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
