Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
