Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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