They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
