I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
