Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
