I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
