if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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