I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
