I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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