I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
