Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
