Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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