Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
