It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
