I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
