you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
