after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
