My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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