just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
