you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
