I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
