Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
