his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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