were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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