Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
