I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
