Me too!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
