i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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