jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
