she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
