I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
