i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
