so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
