I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
