I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
