I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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