franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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