Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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