we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
