grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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