Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Enjoy the penises
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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