so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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