He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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