Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
