How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
