Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
