I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
