it glows. i had to have it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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