We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
